5 Stress Free Ways to Connect With People - Networking in 2021

“The very idea of Networking makes my palms sweaty, and just feels gross.”

I’m not sure I could count the number of times I’ve heard this, as an HR Director, Coach and Mentor.

The word Networking used to conjure up visions of John Molloy’s 1975 Dress for Success and his 1977 The Women’s Dress for Success Book, briefcases, thick, creamy business cards and horrible cocktail parties I endured, with the sole goal of amassing as large a stack of those cards as possible. Professional articles kept recommending networking, but I was uncomfortable with the hurried, empty conversations people had before smiling, trading cards, and moving onto the next target. There just had to be something better.

For students and younger HR professionals I mentor through the Human Resources Professionals Association and McMaster Alumni Associations, as well as creative professionals in the Firecracker Department, it’s a monolith of a word that feels even more impenetrable in the time of COVID. How on earth do I network now? Why do you network? How do I do it without embarassing myself?

I want it to be easy for people to think about networking without fear. To do that, let’s look at why we network.

Networking is Relationships. At its core, that’s it. It’s that simple. It’s creating relationships that are mutually beneficial. It’s connecting, and learning about people - one of my very favourite things to do.

Maybe down the road, it’s finding a project that you and a new connection can benefit from. Or knowing that you can ask a question of that nice person you met at the library. Or even being able to put two people together professionally, whom you know have mutual interests, and both have talked about developing a new product. Sending a job posting that’s perfect for someone who was in your Stats class last year.

It’s really not any more complicated than relationships you build for yourself. In fact, it can be much easier, and far more fun than those networking events of the late 80s.

Secrets of Networking - It Shouldn’t Be Secretive

There isn’t a specific, secret handshake that shows you’re a networker. Good thing, these days. Or a Power Suit. You could network in your classroom/Zoom classroom, on the beach, in line at a coffee shop. Or maybe even at a party again, one day.

When I’m on a mentoring call, or have career chats with students, Networking is always a topic that comes up. Students are worried because they feel they don’t have “networks” yet, and how will they have careers without these “networks”? Amassing a pile of business cards, Contacts in your phone, or Linked In profiles means nothing if you don’t have relationships with the people behind the profiles. And they don’t need to be a list of high-powered executives to benefit you. So how do you do that?

I decided to write this when I saw a post in a group I’m part of, from someone who said they wanted to be better at Networking. When they said they were trying to “build relationships not just networking”, I knew I wanted to do what I can to demystify networking, and show the value of it. And see if they’d been at one of those dreadful 80s events.

Connecting with people who have a common purpose, or even just some common interests, is exciting. Coming on like a bulldozer of self promotion is not a fun experience for either party. So how do you ensure you’re not being pushy?

Simple: Curiosity.

When someone says something that piques your interest, ask to hear more about it. Come with questions, not pitches. Give before taking. These are pretty good tips for any conversation and they can turn a stranger into an acquaintance, and sometimes a friend or colleague. They also make encounters at events much less stressful if most of your time is listening, and not talking.

Here are 5 Ways to Cultivate Your Network (you should see my Insta! It’s half plants, so you get garden metaphors here).

1. Create a good roots system. We will have many networks throughout our lives: professional, social, creative, educational. Learning more about people creates deeper relationships. While you’re sitting in your high school and university classes, you’re constantly meeting new people. Make sure that you exchange information with people you find interesting in any situation. Let them know you would like to stay in touch, and then do it.

2. Water regularly. Connections degrade if you don’t take care of them. Picture this: you did a project - at school, creative, professional, no matter - with someone whom you found interesting and smart. They were eager to exchange information and vowed to keep in touch and then…nothing. Six years later, your acquaintance sends you a message about a role where you are that’s caught their eye, and are looking to you to recommend them to the hiring manager.

   By now, you really don’t know what their current work is like, who they are as a person, or if it’s a risk to your reputation to put them forward. They don’t even ask you to meet them on a patio for a coffee or lunch to catch up before asking you for this favour… It doesn’t feel good. They’ve not given, but are expecting you’ll step up for them. I recommend being wary unless they make you comfortable about who they are now. And get that coffee.

3. Fertilize regularly. It’s simple to schedule 5 minutes of time each week to send a quick message to a couple of people whom you value, just to see how they are. They’re people, remember. It could be something personal if you had a personal relationship - how are the kids? Or it could be congratulations on the promotion you saw on Linked in. Take it one step further than hitting a canned phrase, though. You can spare the 15 extra seconds it’ll take to put their name in a message and wish them well sincerely. Send along an article from time to time, give them a call just to chat, or suggest you get together to catch up - these are just a few ways of strengthening the bonds of your network.

4. Benign neglect works for hostas, not people. With friends, you have likely built up enough social Goodwill that you can go for extended periods without touching base, and they’ll forgive you. And you’ll forgive them. Goodwill is an Asset on a Balance Sheet as well as in relationships. It’s real. Take the time to ensure you have sufficient Goodwill built up that nobody feels used when you reach out to them.

5. Weed and trim regularly. Does this sound cruel? Despite the garden metaphors, we’re talking about people, not plants here. Still, I stand by it. Plants benefit from a weed-free environment, and regular trimming. If you deadhead most flowers, you get new blooms. Not everyone you meet and exchange info with, is truly a Connection. Large numbers of contacts are far less useful than a smaller number of people who you really, truly know and respect. You really are who you associate with, so it’s worth paying attention. A gentle Unfollow will likely not be noticed by someone you talked to once 9 years ago and pretty much forgot about. If there’s something interesting about them - reach out to say hi.

Take a chance and connect with people with whom you have common interests, then enjoy finding out how you can help each other. That’s networking, and it’s that simple.