What Lies Do You Tell Yourself?

Do you tell yourself that to be successful you and your bookcases have to be perfectly styled for every Zoom call, that your career needs to be on the same trajectory it was before all this, that working out of your home along with distance-learning children and possibly a home-working partner should be as breezily effortless as you’re seeing in “5 Secrets to a Dreamy Lockdown Life” articles?  

I’ve got to ask you - Why are you telling yourself these things?

These things are lies and can stop you in your tracks. Life in the Before Times was stressful enough - it is exponentially more so now. You are not failing when you admit that to yourself and to others. I won’t list all the ways it’s more stressful, because we all have our own lists of concerns. But know that admitting to yourself that nerves are raw and tasks that we wouldn’t think twice about, are now overwhelming.

Stopping by a colleague’s desk to clarify a couple of things in that report they sent out can’t happen - it now requires juggling calls, messages and Zoom calls, none of which are as effective as that quick, face-to-face chat, and can leave you wiped out. Picking up groceries requires forethought I never anticipated when getting red peppers and milk. We don’t think about the extra mental energy we’re expending on these tasks, then are disappointed with ourselves if we’re overwhelmed.

In my practice, I’ve been helping lots of people see that life right now is not normal, and there’s little reason to expect that our reactions would be normal.  That can be a huge relief. This is a plea to tell yourself something different if you’re exhausted by trying to keep up.  

You could start by asking yourself who you’re attempting to keep up with? An honest answer to that can help you see if you’re piling unrealistic expectations on yourself and can turn that around by taking social media breaks, or if there’s something more serious going on and you would really benefit from help. Sometimes, turning off the carefully curated Influencer accounts and a bit of self care isn’t going to be enough, so speak with your doctor if you’re feeling things are truly hopeless.

This pandemic will pass;  we can see restrictions easing and life looking more normal in countries around the world that are limiting its damage. There are incredibly smart, dedicated people who are working flat out to make that happen. Meanwhile, start telling yourself that you’re doing your best, and that external comparisons are false comparisons. Start telling yourself the truth.